Laughing in the Dark (214-295)

     Gaines needed to get her life back on track. To make this happen she had to do what ws best for herself and her child. In so the first step was divorcing Ziggy. Once Gainesd did this life kept getting better. Gaines ws getting raises at her new job at the Post, was making new positive friends, and enjoying time with her daughter.
      Then people started dieing and getting sick. Gaines's grandmother had 3-4 strokes and died. A few months before her grandfather died. Then so did her father just as their relationship started to become the best than it had ever been. Soon some of her gay friends who helped her emotionally in life were getting sicker from aids. Four of them died from it and slowly led Gaines back into depression. Life had become so great and then the people who helped make it that way slowly slipped away. This was effecting her work and Gaines was in jepordey of loosing her job. So in noticing that she was the most unhappy that she had been in a while she took a vacation. Then she woke up one day and relized that all the great people in her life that had passed di not want this for her and she knew that they were in a better place.
     After all of this happened Gaines met Chris who she believe that her friends some how sent to her from the heveans above. Over this difficult but love filled year Gaines learned so much met knew people, and finally learned how to love herself. In this being so Gaines relized that her time before this she could categorized summerized and put behind her and focous one the good and live off of that. This is when Gaines wrote, "... my life thus far could be broken into three parts: there was my childhood, when I learned that I was black and struggled to understand what that meant; there was my my young adult life, when I searched for the definition of a woman and what my relationship should be to a man; and there was this time, the exciting time, when I had gone beyound sexuality, beyond woman and man, to humanness" (Gaines 273). With this thought being reached Gaines had accepted herself, was writting a book, helping people in situations of which she use to be in, and marring someone she truley loved and became friends with before an intimate partner of which she believed made the relationship stronger. So now there is only so much more that could be reached because her understanding of life was learned and relized that it didnt have to be miseerable.

Laughing in the Dark (127-214)

     As these pages were read it was relized that Gaines grows up; however, she does fall back into her usual paterns that of course involve men. Gaines ws moving from place to place looking for jobs and better oppertunities. During this time she married two more times and before that made some very bad choices in the boyfriends that she chose.
     Gaines married her secound husband whose mother hated Gaines because she felt that Gaines stole her son away. He did not get along with Andrea Gaines's daughter but surprisingly her hateful mother'n' law took very good care of Andrea when needed. This was a bad marriage from the start for it was called off the day of and then they got married two weeks later. Once Gaines relized that he was crazy she had no choice but to leave for Andrea's sake. Then her boyfriend after her secound husband was a(n) ex pimp and tried to get restarted with Gaines. He tried to force her into this by whipping her. It was a good thing that a friend noticed the swellings, scars, and brusies and had her report the abuse. After this Gaines tried to get her life back on track. In doing this Gaines got a job which was owned by two all black owners. One was a father and the other his daughter. Mr. Cummings liked Gaines however Gaines did not feel that way about him. So he offered her money to have her go to dinner with him. In Gaines remembering her past she agreed. She was rapped twice and there was no justice. She felt that men had used her and always have and this was a way to use them before they used her. So Gaines started having sex with him for money and gifts. This shortly ended. After this Gaines wanted to be finacially supported with out a man.
      This all led to Gaines meeting Judy who Gaines felt to be a sister to her. They both brought out the best qualities in each other. Soon Judy and her child moved in with Gaines and her child. Then soon Judy met her future husban and Gaines met Ziggy her soon to be third husband. This is where Gaines who had came out of a slum was slowly moving back into one. Soon Judy moved out and Ziggy moved in. He only worked if it involved music for he was a musician. This ment that Gaines was left to pay all of the bills. Soon Gaines's job offered a better oppertunity in California. So in Ziggy not ready to move Gaines was left to support two house holds. During this time Gaines is raising Andrea and is now a reporter who feels as if she has betrayed her people. In an explanation Gaines said, "...I was forced to relize I was now different from the people out on the street.'Can you ever go home?'I kept asking myself. Could I br 'street' again" (Gaines 213). In the middle of  another marrige crisis, financial worries, and fears of what will become of Andrea because of fear that Gaines is not around enough Gaines now feels Guilt. She is no longer the person people are covering in stories but the person covering the stories. This all could truly send Gaines back into a deeper slum insted of the better life that she has dreampt of

Laughing in the dark (68-127)

     As usual Gaines was following the lead of a man and something went wrong. Ben the father of Gaines's child was doing heroin and got Gaines to try it. This was not a difficult task for Gaines just went along with it and said sure. So after enjoying it so much they started to do it on the weekends. Thank god they had enough sense not to get high around their daughter Andrea.
     During this time Ben and Gaines were at different places in life so they were living in different places. On a visit to Gaines's house ben brought a friend and some heroin. So after they shot up Gaines remembered that she made arrangements for them to go out to a concert. In wanting to go Ben told Gaines to hold they drugs and seringes in her purse. So of coures Gaines did what Ben pleased. Sitting high at the concert Ben and his friend left Gaines alone to go to the bath room. After an hour alone she looked over and relized that Ben and his friend had been busted for selling drugs to an under cover cop and thety were now making their way over to Gaines. Relizing that Gaines had drugs in her purse she ran out towards the exiting crowd. It was not hard to notice Gaines for  there were only three black people who attended the cocert of which two had just been arrested. They cought Gaines, gave her an exsessive bail, and she was imprisioned for a month and had a five month probation guilty plee insted of five years in jail. Once again Gaines relized that she was the one who suffered while Ben got of scot free. Ben could not be charged because he had no drugs on him at the time.
     Once out of jail Gaines relized how wrong her life had went. She was a brides mate in her ex-best friends wedding. She saw how happy Ginny was married, educated, had good supportive friends who did the right things in life, and succeding in life way better than Gaines. Life was now more of a struggle than Gaines ever imagined. She relized that just typing was not going to help support her and that having been charged with a felony would not get her a job. Gaines recalled going to interviews thinking that people would be understanding and then saying, "But employers didn't see it my way, and once interviewers took a look at my application, they said, 'I'm sorry' " (Gaines 127). This all made Gaines go back to school, try harder, and look back on her mistakes so that she would not make new ones. This was difficult, depressing, and an ordeal that Gaines was forced to face and was very helpful but or how long is the question.

Laughing in the Dark (pgs45-68)

     These next few pages told of Gaines growing more. It told of how she had to change to to fit in and how that was a difficult ordeal for her. Gaines talked of her peer presures and how she mostly gave in to. Gaines also talked about her next move in to a different neighborhood (again). This time things were different though. These kids were mean to the new kids on the block to see how long they would last and fit in. This is where Gaines met Ginny her new best friend. She did not like this initiation process and with out Gaines does not know if she would have made it. They had a lot in common. These were in clothes, music, thoughts, and most importantly to them men. They each looked for men to fill voids in their hearts of which they felt that their families left empty. Gaines and her father did not get along and Gaines did not respect the type of man that he was. For these reasons Gaines and Ginny went after men opposites of their fathers. In so Gaines met Ben and Ginny met Michael. They skipped school to be with their boyfriends of which their parents didi not aprove of. This was only half of the problem that Gaines relizes as an adult. She wanted to rebell against her parents as much as possible and be just like Ginny. Once Ginny had kept what Gaines thought was the biggest secret she thought that she had to do that same. Gaines writes, "Ginny had already slept with Michael. I was surprised and hurt because she kept such an important secret between us until Michael told Ben, who of course told me, and I pressured Ginny to tell me if it was true. It was the begining of a change in our relationship, a slight moving apart. ... If we kept secrets from each other, that meant girlfriends were no different from boyfriends; so carrying this disapointment with me, I moved closer to Ben" ( Gaines 54). This showed Gaines becoming weaker and more needful to fill another void in her hart. Every time that this happens Gaines runs to a man letting them control her taking her down the wrong path which hurted her even more in the long run.